There is a familiar monster hiding in the dark. Where he continues to defeat me. Day after day. I know where he’s going to be, I know where I’ll find him. In my mind its almost like he’s waiting in the shadows, just for me, to emerge. He’s waiting when the sun is shining and he’s waiting after the sun goes down. He lives somewhere I can’t explain, but somewhere I know well. He doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat, doesn’t need anything but the energy I give to him. The energy that I continue to give. The energy of continuing to believe his lies. The lies that lead to discursive thought. The energy derives from giving the flow of thought, where in which he resides, energy. I do my best to try to face him and suppress him, but somehow he always seems to lurk. There’s a specific type of anxiety I get when I know I’m going to face him. The type of anxiety that needs to be relieved. I think this post is a tool for relief.
Fact is though, I’m aware that he’s just there for my energy. I continuously try and release the hold I have on the belief that he tries to instill. I let go. I release my inner struggle against him. I remember the more I allow that thought to roll, the more energy he receives. I remember to allow him to do his devious planning, which takes the pain away by not allowing it to affect me as much. I remember that Love is the answer and not the ridiculous thoughts. I remember that I can back away from those thoughts completely. I remember to allow him to do what he wants in my life. I allow him to be a bull in my china shop, and it does, but it takes his energy away.
All of these things seem to help. They give him less energy and less energy means less power, less power means less hold. So the beautiful thing is, this monster loses its hold when I allow it to flow. I allow the things he wants me to resist, not be resisted. This is a continuous practice and I am only just beginning to scratch the surface of the solutions to this thing.
Much Love, Drew